I-statements

I-statements express a feeling without attacking the other person.

The formula

"I feel ___ when ___ because ___. What I need is ___."

• Instead of: "You never listen."
• Try: "I feel dismissed when I'm interrupted, because it seems like what I say doesn't matter. I need to finish my thought."

Why it works

"You" statements invite defensiveness — one of the patterns Gottman identifies as predicting relationship breakdown.¹ I-statements give the other person information instead of a target.

See also

• Emotional expression
• Relationship management
• Repair conversation

Cite this entry: Samual Nathaniel Brown. “I-statements.” The Emotional Literacy Encyclopedia, 10P Program, 2026-10-25. https://emotionalliteracy.org/tools/i-statements/