Emotion · Shame family
Shame
noun
The painful feeling that you are bad, broken or unworthy — not that you did something wrong, but that you are wrong.
How it shows up in the body
Heat in the face, wanting to disappear, eyes down, shoulders curled, a frozen or blank mind.
What it is telling you
You fear being disconnected or rejected. Shame thrives in secrecy and shrinks when it is spoken to someone safe.
The urge — and the choice
To hide, lie, blame or attack. The choice is to separate who you are from what happened.
One thing to try
Turn “I am…” into “I did…” or “I was…”. Then tell one person who has earned the right to hear it.
Practice it: Feelings journal.
Words you can use
I feel ashamed about this, and I’m telling you because I don’t want to carry it alone.
Read more: Trauma and emotional literacy
