Encyclopedia · The 10P system & theory
Coping mechanisms
Every behavior that makes a feeling stop is a coping mechanism. The question is what it costs — and who pays.
Coping mechanisms are strategies people use to manage stress and uncomfortable emotions.1 Everyone has them. They are learned — usually early, usually without anyone deciding to teach them — and they become automatic through repetition.
10P divides them into two kinds: constructive coping mechanisms that help you process a feeling, and destructive coping mechanisms that help you escape it while creating new pain.1
Constructive and destructive coping
| Constructive (positive) | Destructive (negative) |
|---|---|
| Deep breathing | Substance abuse — alcohol and drugs to numb emotion |
| Meditation and mindfulness | Self-harm |
| Exercise | Avoidance |
| Journaling | Denial |
| Talking with a trusted friend | Isolation |
| Challenging negative thinking | Escapism — excessive screens, fantasy, gaming |
| Soothing the body (a bath, a walk) | Aggression and rage |
| Walking away from an argument to cool off | Rumination |
| Setting boundaries | Emotional eating |
| Accepting the faults of others | Negative self-talk |
Adapted from THE BRAIN Project, Course C1.1
Behavioral coping: the ones that look normal
Some of the most common destructive coping mechanisms are socially accepted, even celebrated:
- "Retail therapy" and compulsive buying. Compulsive buying is associated with low distress tolerance and with avoiding difficult emotions; buying brings a short mood lift followed by guilt.2
- Compulsive sexual behavior. Researchers describe emotion dysregulation as a core feature of compulsive sexual behavior, which can function as a learned way to cope with negative emotional states.3
- Drinking to unwind. The self-medication hypothesis describes substance use as an attempt to relieve painful feelings.4
- Overworking, overtraining, overscrolling. Anything that reliably keeps a feeling out of awareness can become a coping mechanism.
Criminality as a coping mechanism
The Theory of Emotional Illiteracy-Based Criminality (TEIBC) adds one item to the destructive list that most frameworks leave off: crime. Brown argues that criminality is a coping mechanism just like substance abuse, with one difference — "it is a coping mechanism that affects the world beyond just yourself."1 That reframing is what makes the theory hopeful: people recover from addiction every day, and they can recover from criminality the same way.
How to change a coping mechanism
You do not delete a coping mechanism; you replace it. 10P's approach follows the 10P Emotional Literacy System:
- Read the trigger. What feeling, in what situation, comes right before the behavior? (Try the Feelings journal.)
- Understand the job it does. Every destructive coping mechanism is doing a job — numbing, distracting, discharging, protecting.
- Choose a replacement that does the same job. If drinking discharges tension, Long-exhale breathing or exercise can too. If isolation protects from shame, a trusted Circle check-in can offer safety instead.
- Repeat. A new coping mechanism becomes automatic the same way the old one did: practice.
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Brown, S. N. The Theory of Emotional Illiteracy-Based Criminality. THE BRAIN Project, Course C1. 10P Program. 10pprogram.org/thebrainproject ↑↑↑↑
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Williams, A. D. (2012). Distress tolerance and experiential avoidance in compulsive acquisition behaviours. Australian Journal of Psychology, 64(4), 217–224. doi:10.1111/j.1742-9536.2012.00055.x ↑
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Lew-Starowicz, M., et al. (2020). Compulsive sexual behavior and dysregulation of emotion. Sexual Medicine Reviews, 8(2), 191–205. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2019.10.003 ↑
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Khantzian, E. J. (1985). The self-medication hypothesis of addictive disorders. American Journal of Psychiatry, 142(11), 1259–1264. doi:10.1176/ajp.142.11.1259 ↑
Put this into practice
Independent study
THE BRAIN Project
Self-paced emotional-literacy coursework you can complete anywhere, including from inside.
See THE BRAIN Project
See also
Cite this entry: Samual Nathaniel Brown. “Coping mechanisms.” The Emotional Literacy Encyclopedia, 10P Program, 2026-10-25. https://emotionalliteracy.org/encyclopedia/coping-mechanisms/
